Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Dear Fat Admirer, Please come out of the FA Closet…

Dan Savage agrees! Here is a link to his podcast on the Seattle Stranger chastising a closet fat admirer for wasting his time pretending he's not attracted and into large, curvy women. Dan Savage Podcast - FA, Come out of the Closet! It's episode 275. To say this made my month would be a huge understatement...

One of the reasons I started this blog was to share and reveal that unlike what society might like you to believe, there are plenty of men who have a preference for plus size, large women. The problem, IMHO, is that most of them are not out of the Fat Admirer closet.

Other than thru limited personal experiences, how did I find out just how many are into big women? It’s kinda funny and silly. About a decade ago, a friend of mine didn’t like that I wasn’t even bothering to attempt meeting men. I was in ‘frump’ phase and had pretty much isolated myself from the entire ‘dating scene’, (whatever the hell that means – it’s never looked like anything I’ve seen in the movies in my 3 decades on the planet).

She didn’t realize that I was licking some pretty serious wounds at the time. I had been seeing someone off and on over a year who had gone to extreme measures to always provide me a good time, but always on his terms and hidden away from the public. There was never any going to the movies, or out to a nice restaurant – but room service in a nice, private hotel or a movie night at the downtown condo was always a go. Even sex in a town-car, with tinted windows naturally. I knew his game, and didn’t have the self-confidence then to call him out on it. Besides, like anyone – I was horny, enjoyed the attention and of course, the sex was great.

That said, it was just a matter of time before our worlds collided. It was so simple – I was at the mall downtown and as fate would have it, literally bumped into him as I rounded a corner. My first reaction was to be pleasantly surprised at the serendipitous encounter – but that quickly dissolved when a lovely, thin blond woman collided with us, right behind him and in her arms, their 2 year old.

No, I didn’t know he was married. But it all made sense. Perfect sense. And I had enough dignity to compose myself quickly enough. All I did was apologize for running into them, my eyes to the ground and I was gone like lightning.

It took him two weeks to get the courage to contact me. And try as he might to explain it, I only had one question for him. It was the only one that interested me at the time as I had accepted the reality of it and had done a fine job of beating myself up for being so naïve and stupid.

“Does she know?”

“About us? No.”

“Not that, does she know you like fat women?”

No answer, long awkward pause…

“I didn’t think so, good-bye.”


Never again. From that day on, it was very simple. The simplest thing ever. If a man wanted to be with me, enjoy my company, mind, and body - he would have to go thru a series of public ‘outings’. The coffee shop, the restaurant, the movies. Then sex. Because as it turns out, I don’t like being hidden away in nice hotels, town-cars, and downtown condo’s.

Back to my friend. She had, without my knowing, placed an ad on a dating profile for large women and used mostly my real info (height, weight, age, physical features, etc), some good pics she had of me and then she waited. After a couple of months, of pretending to be me online – she couldn’t hide her little experiment from me any longer. And it was one of the funniest moments of my life. She had stayed the night and we were making french toast one fine Sunday morning after a fun night of drunken antics.

Out of the blue, she said: “Turns out, you’re like the fat girl HOT-TIE.”

Blink, gulp, wtf?? I just sorta stared at her, my eyes held open in amazement, a goofy grin-frown of confusion registering all over my face, I’m sure. She really was that hung-over. And in less than a minute or so, she had confessed her little experiment and project, apologizing profusely along the way, but also equally excited to divulge.

“I’ve got responses from men of all ages, types – frack, from all over the world! To them, you are like supremo eye candy, they want more, more, more. I can’t keep up with them… I think you need to see it. I do.”

And I did. I sidestepped mortification that I had been represented by her for a couple of months online and before I knew it, the rest of my day was spent reading emails, IM’s, looking at profiles and wondering to myself, “Are you EVEN kidding me?”

From there, the horse had been led to water and my curious nature took ever. I approached it like a psychological, and sociological experiment. Just enough vested, keeping some vantage of neutrality and healthy skepticism, but always optimistic. Some, I even met up with.

At the time, I had been working on a self-esteem project with my therapist. When I told her about all of it, her suggestion was mind-boggling. “Just go with it. Be safe, enjoy it and do wonders for your sense of self. Find out just how many find you attractive and desirable for whatever the reason.”

So I did. And I did. And I did some more. And I still do… J

What started as a way of me finding some sense of feeling sexy, desirable and beautiful quickly evolved into ongoing interactions and conversations with those men who have a preference for the large woman. So here I am, divulging it all to the world for no other reason than because I want to. As for what it may or may not do for anyone else out there – I don’t know just yet. But I can tell you this, the traffic to this blog is surprising. It’s downright fun.

Two great quips from someone, a man, who knows what I’m talking about:

The real question is, why are so many Fat Admirers in denial? I can’t tell you how many guys (or gals) there are like me, and a good portion of them being in the closet makes the numbers even fuzzier. Over half the U.S. is considered—DUN DUN DUN—“overweight.” Someone’s fucking all the fatties.* Be a sport and let them know. Dan is ego-driven enough to envision a greater purpose. “Society sucks, and society says you need male validation. If you’re trying to say fat is attractive, as a lot of women out there are, it helps to find legitimate people who find this attractive.” Or, as he put it more bluntly on his Facebook page, after contributing two pro-fat pieces to lady blog The Hairpin, “I write about my preference for fat women in hopes that other men who share my preference will make themselves known so they’ll stop being little ballsacks and let the millions of fat women in this country find them.” ~ Dan Weiss { guys who like fat chicks }

I think that about sums it up. Thank you Dan and Dan. :)

Ruby M